How can I fix a difficult relationship?
We’ve all had difficult people in our lives. The older I get the more I see really good people being treated pretty poorly by someone that claims to love them. It can be hard to determine whether or not this relationship should even be saved. It can be a hard decision to make sometimes when we so desperately want this relationship to work.
Recently, I received a brave email from Abby. Her boyfriend, we’ll call him Zack, keeps her walking on eggshells. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a relationship like this before and it SUCKS!
Abby finds herself trying to defend all sorts of decisions she has made with good intentions only to have Zack turn things around on her and assign motive to what she did. What I mean by that is he will concoct this motive in his head that is ugly and then accuse Abby of this ugly motive she had for doing whatever it was she did.
Messy, yes. Confusing for Abby, oh yes! Then Abby is defending herself against whatever it is he came up with. Horrible and can make the “Abby” in the relationship feel like she’s going crazy. So bad.
Zack had created such a hostile and unpredictable environment for their relationship that she doesn’t feel safe to share what’s bothering her, what her goals are for the future, what’s exciting…nothing. Abby wants to be an attorney and she can’t even bring herself to talk with him about this huge, amazing goal for fear of how he may react.
I can tell you with certainty, that Abby can’t do one thing to “fix” this relationship. She has already talked to Zack about his behavior towards her and he has obviously made the decision to ignore her.
Until Zack figures out he has a big problem that is his and his alone, this relationship is dead in the water.
I want you guys to get the biggest lesson here:
WE CANNOT FIX OTHER PEOPLE. WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. AND WE CANNOT CHANGE IN OURSELVES AND IN OUR LIVES WHAT WE REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE.
You will most definitely feel like you are slamming your head in a door over and over when you try to change someone, especially when that person thinks you are somehow the root of their unhappiness.
The book Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can or Should be Saved is an awesome book. Seriously! I learned so much reading this book and it really is a guide. Here’s the affiliate link for it if you’d like. I’ll also provide the audio version if you’d prefer that.
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